Brandon Neil Richards

Some time ago, I awoke from a dream the Lord had given me, in regard to someone that I had recently began working with and it was quiet disturbing. The dream went something like this.

There were three things noticeable:

1. The person was wearing black and he wanted something I had knowledge-wise
2. The setting background that was like a theater stage with black curtain
3. Myself dressed normally.

This person approached and seemed to be begging me for something he wanted from me and was using flattery to try and get me to give it. I didn't give in and said, "No."

Next, this person tried again and was trying to use a little information he had about me to get more of what he was after from me, I didn't give in and said, "No." and began feeling very frustrated.

After this, he began to have this perverted, domineering attitude toward me as if he couldn't let me deny him of what he wanted. He tried again to force what he wanted out of me, and he laid a hand on my right arm. When that happened, I physically shoved him backward and in rage screamed, "No! I'm done with you, Go away!"

That was the end of the dream.

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I used to draw.
I used to write.
I used to play music.
I used to smile.
I used to understand.
I used to be happy,
but now I'm human.

The answers aren't as important to me as the question. I always question the question.

So many of you read my various writings on God, or the supernatural and think that Brandon is some sort of super christian or holier than thou and I can see that I am not doing such a great job in communicating what I'm wanting to communicate. Often my writings are produced from things I've gained during the pressure-fight-tension that I face day to day. So I'm going to begin to crack open the vial of Brandon, just so you can know, I am human.

From the outside I'm the tree (see: http://www.brandonrichards.com/the-gardener-2 ) that's well maintained, maybe standing out as the model tree. But under the canopy, where the fruit is picked, its an ecosystem of never ending darkness.

You can give it any name if you want, but my battle is with depression. I don't know how I got here, or why. I can't put it into an equation or solve it. The only thing I know to do, I don't even have the strength or the will or fight to do anymore... I'm tired... of hearing Bible verses about putting on the garment of praise... of people wanting to fix me... I'm tired of the tail you've pinned on this donkey. I can't just snap out of it.

Rejection. Its a terrible thing. Damned be anyone who rejects another person. You have no idea what you're doing. I think people in cliques deserve hell.

My fight began when I was young, literally I fought everyday at least in my mind and often physically. In 1st grade, I would constantly get punished. Sometimes I deserved it, like the time me and a friend stole chalk and wrote every curse word we could think of on the big rocks in the playground -or- the time I was playing kick ball and this guy Edwin always made us lose so one day I cut in to him. I guess I deserved what I got for that. Other times and often, a certain teacher had it out for me- any excuse she could find she'd paddle me. I hated her.

Middle school I became a legend, in fact I'm still talked about there today. I didn't do anything spectacular like shoot the winning basket in a basketball game. I didn't kick a field goal to win a football game - but rather, I gushed blood from a mouth wound inflicted by a guy I didn't know who decided one day he'd pick me to show how great he can fight. I bled all over the place and had to have several stitches through my lip and gumline. I almost lost a few teeth. Yes, it hurt- but not as bad as no one standing up for me. I had been assaulted, where was my defender? The other guy got two days off. I was punished the rest of the year. When he came back, he and his friends made game of me. In gym class I became the punching bag of a certain individuals... the every day school bus ride always presented some confrontation. Turn up the other cheek, well I did and it sucked. I bet none of you have.

High school was another brick in the wall and it didn't fit.

Today I'm 36 and to most I appear to have it figured out, have a beautiful caring wife who I don't deserve, three crazy beautiful girls that look like their mom and now even a dog which probably looks more like me. They are all healthy for the most part. I'm thankful too. I realize it can be worse, but I've never taken the mentality or tried to compare myself against other people to make myself feel better. This also the reason I doubt I will ever travel to a 3rd world nation on a 'mission'. I know the world sucks, I don't need to go there to experience it.

Hope is a 4-letter word and I have no change.

Lately [my poor wife would say since we've been married] I can't seem to keep it together. The truth is I've been like this since I can remember. I get creative bursts in the work that I do, but then completely overwhelmed by it to the point I can't make myself 'do' anymore- I do often get angry and say things I probably shouldn't. Other times, which is most of the time I just want to sleep and I try... but when I try I just wake up more exhausted than before.

The damage I'm causing to my family I'm sorry for, I'm sure they don't understand. I know I don't intend to hurt or damage or take advantage of anyone. I often fight away the bad thoughts of ending it. I don't think I would do that, but I have thought about it. Who hasn't?

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Wherever you set your foot... whatever you set your hand to, whatsoever you ask... the fact you're in an invisible spiritual kingdom that can be appropriated now in the physical by and through faith means you (I, us Christians) have the kingdom authority to do those things. We can't mistep, or fumble, or mis-appropriate.

Walk in the Spirit. Speak in the Spirit. See in the Spirit.... the authority and Providence of that Kingdom is your governor or controlling entity once you're its citizen.

Galatians 2:20 - You aren't in control if you're crucified and dead. Jesus was led by the Holy Spirit. So are you if He lives in you. He keeps you, whether you want to act like Jonah or not... that's up to you. Jesus wasn't always floating around, he worked hard, probably had bad clients, probably got picked on by his brother.. and He definitely knew how to fish. He also knew that at anytime He could call forth a legion of angels. ( so can we by faith through prayer.)

Galations 3 outlines what being in Christ means.

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A recent post by Rick Warren entitled, Serving From the Heart and a recent video at TED.com from Mike Rowe of 'Dirty Jobs' brings up a similar but differing concepts of work. Which one is right?

I've heard it all my life, " Figure out what you love to do -- that which God gave you a heart for -- and then do it for his glory!" and I'm sure you have too. I believe these kind of statements leave people, especially Christians in what I call suspended animation. They never do anything because they don't know what to do and expect to find work they enjoy. In essence it creates a type of 'Spiritual Welfare' where we expect God to highlite and ...insert angelic music here... a golden path to which we walk and have it easy.

This is not the life you're expected to live:

Genesis 3:17-19 we have an account of the what the curse of sin brought upon man.

17 To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat of it,’ “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life.
18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field.
19 By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.”

But even before this we find that man was given work to do in taking care of the garden.

This is an area that I believe misleads a lot of people. Mixing work with calling is a very delicate subject. On one hand a person is called to do something they wouldn't normally do.

Numerous biblical examples of this.

Paul to make tents when his passion was to preach the Gospel.
Noah to build an ark and become a zookeeper, when he was a winemaker
Joseph to be a slave and leave his family, when he was the favored son of his father and wanted to stay home.
Moses to return to Egypt as liberator of his people, rather than stay away and forget his past.
Jonah to go to Ninevah, he even tried to run from his prophetic duties, but went whether he wanted to or not. He had to be made to submit.
Jesus the carpenter, when He was called to die for the sins of the world… you don’t think he wrestled with it? He did so much that he asked for the cup to be removed if possible.

Most certainly they were called, and most certainly none of them enjoyed it.

Work for work’s sake, there is nothing wrong with menial jobs, or hard work. Where in the Bible does it state that we have to enjoy work? Or do work that makes us happy? Sure if you can find it, do that, but if you can’t… work, and any work will do.

I believe its time for this lie to cease, spiritual welfare isn’t going to happen. Work or don’t eat. Its that simple. If you work, you will eat. Physically you will be satisfied. Work and do the work as if Jesus is your boss, you will be satisfied and blessed. Go to work and give - rather then get, and you will be given blessings, so much that you can’t contain it all.

I’ve been wrestling with this whole concept for about a month. There are times where I do not enjoy my work, there are times when I want to quit and walk away. Its in these weak moments that you’ll often hear, the concept of ‘work you enjoy’. Mainly from people who have never enjoyed their work- hoping you will. Or from spiritual leaders who think or have forgotten because of their elevated platform of influence what it is to be man and work the land.

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Today I was heading to the store to pick up some coffee, my wife’s decaf wasn’t doing it for me. As I put my shoes on and announced where I was going, Jewel Grace my four year old, said, “Daddy will you need a helper? Jane is unavailable, so I’ll go with you and be your helper” She put down her toys and came to me for my answer. It took me a moment to respond because at the same time I was hearing the Lord speak to me about her.

I told her I wasn’t even going to ask Jane, I was so glad she asked because I needed her help. She didn’t care where we were going, just that she was helping her daddy.

Its fascinating when the Lord speaks to me through my children. Just previous to this little conversation I had been praying to ‘help’ my God. The reality is God doesn’t need my help, but He chooses to use us if we’re willing to follow.

Jesus chose His disciples by the words “Follow Me”, He said (Matthew 4:19, John 1:43) Some dropped everything they were doing, and followed. Some left their families, their businesses, their jobs and didn’t even ask where they were going. Others wanted to say fare wells to their families or bury their dead relatives and didn’t return to follow the Lord (Matthew 8:22). Jesus went on to say “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me (Matthew 19:21)”.

What does it mean to follow Jesus?

The definition of the word ‘follow’ so revealing, you should read it for yourself:
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Follow

• Becoming fishers of men, or instead of satisfying our carnal self (catching fish), we satisfy the needs of others(fishers of men). (Matthew 4:19)
• Plowing the ground for harvest. Plowing is the preparation of the soil for planting, and we plant for a harvest. Praying is spiritual plowing. We pray over the grounds we have to seed. We pray for the lost, we pray for harvest.  (1 Kings 19:19)
• Severing the tie and forsaking dead works (1 Kings 19:19-21, Matthew 9:9, Matthew 16:24, Matthew 19:21)

The Price

I’ve often heard from some of the faith leaders of our times about the mysterious, ‘price.’ I never understood ‘what’ the price was, I always had hoped that one would just tell us what the price was so I could start paying it. When in fact, I was really stupid. The price is something that only the owner of the thing can give you. The price is different for each person. For some it may be family, for others it may be a business, for others it may be servitude. The easy way to find out what the price is, is to ask God what you must do to be His disciple. I’d almost bet that you already know. It’s that thing that preoccupies your time and gets in front of your relationship with God. It’s that thing inside that says, No I will do this myself. Sadly, many do not pay the price.

God wants our loyalty (Luke 9:62), this will often mean sacrifice, service, and contentment to follow despite what others may be doing(integrity). Enduring the weather(spiritual warfare) and not giving up on the fruitless stony ground, but continuing to plow until the stones are no longer an issue of sowing.

A couple of years ago I heard the Lord sing to me, “Come over the mountains, Come across the sea…” beckoning me to follow after Him. After these words there was only a solid tone of music as if someone where holding in a note on the keyboard. The progression waited… the note reverberated through me as if the next part of the song were waiting on me.

I believe just as He sang that to me and the progression is waiting, He is also beckoning all of His children to follow Him, to go where He goes, to pay the price.

Will you pay the price?
What is your price?
Will you be His helper, or are you unavailable?

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Psalm 52:7-8 declares,
"7 See, this is the man who made not God his strength (his stronghold and high tower) but trusted in and confidently relied on the abundance of his riches, seeking refuge and security for himself through his wickedness. 8 But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God; I trust in and confidently rely on the loving-kindness and the mercy of God forever and ever."

God is separating and positioning those who He can trust; those who have received His anointing, those who are yielded.

Do not fear, and do not trust in the fruits of your job and career. Confide and trust and rely on the Lord for surely My mercy and love endures forever.
Separate yourselves from the world and they will be drawn to you as the dry ground thirsts for the rain. Their wicks are consumed before Me without the oil you carry. Pour out the oil and I will supply more. Do not regard your current circumstances as a curse, you are blessed- what you do to them, you do to Me. Pouring out your oil to them is like pouring your oil over Me. Do you want to bring glory to Me?
Stand and trust in Me. Declare your testimony and set forth a banner in your midst, carry the standard before you so that I can draw them to you. No more shall the people ask: Where is your God?

Was Christ not beaten?
Was He not pierced and crushed by the stones hurled from your heart?
Was the blood He cried not enough?
Was the blood He shed not enough?
Did He not cleanse and anoint you as your spear, your stick, your rod, pierced through to His heart?
Was it not enough?

Do not fear.

Did I not give more oil to the widow and her son when they poured oil out to my prophet?
Did I not provide manna- and quail to the Children?!

Do not withhold.

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Lord I pray that I may be filled with the full, deep and clear knowledge of Your will in all spiritual wisdom with comprehensive insight into Your ways and purposes, and in understanding and discernment of spiritual things- that I would live and conduct myself in a manner worthy of You, fully pleasing to You and desiring to please You in all things. That I would bear fruit in every good work and steadily grow and increase in and by the knowledge of God.

I pray that I would be invigorated and strengthened with all power according to the might of Your glory, that I can exercise every kind of endurance and patience with joy.

I give You thanks because you have made me qualified and fit to share the portion which is the inheritance of the saints in the Light.

Today I consecrate my life to you that I may remain faithful by leaning my complete personality on You in absolute trust and confidence in Your power, wisdom and goodness and of the love which you have and show to me.

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Many years ago, I had a friend die in a tragic drowning accident. He was friend to many people. I heard the news from my own brother and I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't. My mind raced with scenarios and images of my friend somehow surviving. My faith was he was still alive somehow. I found myself trying to convince others to believe and have faith that he was somehow still alive.

The truth was, he really was dead. Those that were with my friend when he disappeared into the water knew the truth, they didn’t wonder or imagine crazy, fantastic scenarios because they saw it happen. He wasn’t trapped in an underwater cavern as I envisioned. He wasn’t superhuman and still alive- searching for a way out. He was really dead. He was held by underwater currents and had drowned. The divers who pulled him out of the depths of the water current saw firsthand the truth and even felt the strength of the current that took his life. The revelation of this truth to his friends and family was crushing, devastating. All I could do was weep and lash out at the devil for killing one of my friends.

In John 20:24-31, we have a glimpse of a man, Thomas, who was being told by his closest friends that Jesus ‘is alive!’ That the Jesus who was recently murdered, the Jesus he knew personally and had hung out with was alive again. The rumor was fantastic, but Thomas didn’t believe it.

Here’s how it happened, “So the other disciples kept telling him, We have seen the Lord! But he said to them, Unless I see in His hands the marks made by the nails and put my finger into the nail prints, and put my hand into His side, I will never believe [it].”

Eight days later…

“Eight days later His disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them. Jesus came, though they were behind closed doors, and stood among them and said, Peace to you! Then He said to Thomas, Reach out your finger here, and see My hands; and put out your hand and place [it] in My side. Do not be faithless and incredulous, but [stop your unbelief and] believe! Thomas answered Him, My Lord and my God! Jesus said to him, Because you have seen Me, Thomas, do you now believe (trust, have faith)? Blessed and happy and to be envied are those who have never seen Me and yet have believed and adhered to and trusted and relied on Me.”

Recently I was having a conversation with a friend. I found myself telling him all the things God was doing around and in me. He told me he is encouraged and likes to hear that God is moving in someone’s life because it gives Him hope and encourages Him that God will do the same for Him. Our conversation changed to those who really know the Lord and those who know of Him. Those who know Him- hang out with Him and experience Him start talking like Him, sounding like Him, thinking like Him, acting like Him. Those who know about Him only know what someone else says about Him. Their faith is based upon the relationship others have or the rumors of Him they hear.

It really is true, let me give you some examples:

Most people have heard about Jesus healing the sick from the Bible, some have heard about Jesus healing people even today. They know Christ heals people. You can ask anyone, Do you believe God can heal the sick? Most will say yes he can and its based upon something that happened to someone else or something they’ve read about in the Bible. The story, the rumor is that Jesus can heal the sick.

Most people have heard that Jesus died for their sins on the cross and that they can be saved from hell because of it. You can ask anyone if Jesus can save them from hell? Most will say they believe God can save them because they have heard the stories, seen the movies, and they know someone else who is different now because of their faith. The story, the rumor is that Jesus can save you from eternal damnation.

Most people have heard about Jesus feeding the multitudes, they’ve heard about supernatural provision and blessing upon someone they know. You can ask anyone, Do you believe that God can supernaturally provide for you and bless you. Most will say yes because they’ve heard the stories, they’ve read the book, they’ve given their ‘seed’, and they know someone who has been blessed and ‘survived’ somehow.

Now ask the very same people if God will do those things for them, right now and their hesitation, response, the incredulous look in their eyes will tell you what you need to know.

The truth is that most don’t get healed, most don’t get saved, most live defeated lives because they know Jesus does these things, but what they don’t realize He IS all these things. Jesus is Healing. Jesus is Provision. Jesus is Savior. That’s who He is, not what He does. What He does is tell the Father at your request through prayer, who He is, and the Father sees us for who we are, His son. I mean we’re the body of Christ! We even have His blood, we have His power, we have His name, we have His authority! We are sons of the living God!

Is your perception, “God will do it for someone else, but He may or may not do it for me?” When was the last time you stood and spoke to the living Jesus? When was the last time you held his hand and felt the flesh that was torn by the weight of your sin upon Him? When was the last time you reached into His side and felt the heart that was pierced for you?

Like my friend who was held underneath the water by the strong current and drown. Are you finding yourself overwhelmed, drowning by the trials and circumstances of life? Are you being held, constrained in your relationship, your life because you’ve only believed in the rumors of God and never really known Him? How is it that you really know Him?

God desires us to know Him in a new way everyday. He’s a deep guy and you could spend the ages trying to learn everything about Him and who He is.

Our faith is not meant to be a six degrees of faith in Jesus Christ phenomenon, but a real relationship with Him. One of the ways we get to know Jesus is through prayer. Next time you’re alone ask yourself: Jesus, is what I believe about you based upon rumors?, Is it based upon only what I’ve heard about you? Do I believe you ARE vs you will? Do I believe things that aren’t true about you? Do I really know you? Just ask for a revelation of Him, so that you can know for yourself who He is. And if you would, why not tell Him you want to know Him more, and hang out with Him more, then begin to do it by praying, sitting quietly, reading His word and listening, just talk to Him throughout your day.

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If I could choose anything to do and anywhere to go, I would choose sitting alone on an early spring morning just at the moment the sun spills over the mountain tops of my grandfather's mountain land. Perhaps its the way the forest comes alive. Orchestrated by the sunlight, the song birds begin to sing and the squirrels search for their hidden treasures. Having endured the night, they always seem to be full of mischief.

Often for me a feeling of hope invades my being as the Sun’s radiance shines upon my face. It’s warmth, removing the chill from my bones. As the wind blows the remaining fog into the still-dark hollows below, visibility increases and all reminders of the night are seemingly forgotten.

A friend reminded me today that no matter how hard times get or how alone I feel while in the wilderness of life - the tough times, God is still with me. Astonished and in awe of the realization God has planned my exact life and all my experiences including those alone in the woods on my grandfather’s land as opportunities to know Him.

I was reminded no matter what the previous night and dark times of the past and present have brought into my life; His light is greater than the darkness. His radiance kindles passion and birth’s new life into my being. The sin and confusion of the past and today are removed and cast into the abyss. In His presence there is clarity. Confusion cannot remain in His presence, for in it there is relationship, clarity of vision, and fullness of joy.

I urge my readers, to not let the sun set upon the day without having spent time with Him. You won’t make it out of the wild without Him.

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I saw a large tree from a distance, its canopy was triangular, evenly distributed, perfect and well maintained.

As I approached the tree, it was as wide as a house and higher than I could see. Underneath the canopy there was only a faint glow of light. There was life all around, but no animals, the tree was alive and the root growth was enormous I could see the roots move, grow. I heard the sound of the wood growing and moving, it sounded thunderous and splintering. Seeing fruit on the tree, I climbed closer. The roots were enormous now. I climbed and slid over mountains of them, touching each one as I moved closer. The dirty damp resin smeared on my clothes and hands.

There was indeed fruit on the tree, some star shaped, some crescent moon shaped, both shiny platinum colored and glittering. When looked for a low piece so I could pick it, I noticed stems of fruit that had already been picked that were left on the tree. I took one of each fruit and ate. One was flavorless and with it brought a feeling of apathy, laziness, and sloth. The other was very bitter, much like a persimmon and purged one’s digestive system much like a stomach virus or food poisoning would bring cramps and dehydration through vomiting and diarrhea.

I looked around for a gardener and only saw a black lantern hanging on hooked staff, like a shepherd’s staff. There was a gardener, but he was away and has left the lamp hanging on the staff.

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